I can write whatever I want.

Universe, are you listening?

Dillon, are you listening?

You can go as deep as you want to go.

You can find whatever you want in anything.

That doesn’t mean everything is false and mistaken.

It means everything depends on you.

Everything you do. and everything you interpret.

Mistakes are inevitable. 

Why? because uncertainty and unknowns and variables exist. and ignorance and pride and fear.

you are using your past emotional responses to act as barriers to your actions

I can’t understand everything

I can’t know anything really with certainty.

But what i can know is information supported by evidence and testing. with adequate certainty.

true knowledge = understanding with absolute certainty

practical knowledge = understanding with adequate certainty

you’ll never have absolute certainty.

because everything that you know is symbols and also things change. 

words will fail when trying to describe the deepest emotions one can have.

because words are interpretations of data. in the same way that math is an interpretation of physical phenomena.

I have an excitement deep in my chest now.

am i free?

I do have an obligation to understand.

but this can turn sour.

This can utterly consume you.

worries: this is only your situation; others would respond differently.

solution: but this is your life.

I can find control and comfort in understanding things at the practical level. orly.

absolute knowledge is unattainable.

you keep saying it’s not going to be okay

but it is.

something is fleeting away? it’s staring at you?

what is it?

is it yourself?

your rationale will always be influenced by your emotions. they need to be secure. you need to be secure.  in order for your rationale to be secure.

can there be a happy medium?

i don’t have the cognitive power or opportunity. is that an excuse?

no; if i am to live actively, then I need not focus on the past.

There’s many things you’ve considered.

many things left open-ended.

raw.

and you’re afraid that your subsequent happiness will be infected with unanswered reasonings.

what’s so bad about this?

that everything is wrong

why is being wrong bad

what does it entail?

it means you are not perfect

it means you had the courage to try

it means that you trusted yourself enough to perform the task at hand

—

Feeling confident in a world of such uncertainty seems like i’m acting counterintuitively.

I want to find to the best of my ability what truth there is out there.

but everything is so fallible.

Am i being frivolous by trying to escape this.

i mean with respect to very important things like having an open disposition about the nature of reality.

how does one NOT overthink that.

perhaps it’s not the answer that is important to get to.

it’s the conversation.

is conversation proof of care?

or proof that i’m tired of feeling this way?

probably both.

~~~~

it will happen if も are ready.

nothing to do with you. or ぼく.

~~~~

best to focus on you.

because you only have one shot at this living thing.

conclusions are important.

but the conversation is just as important.

so come to the conclusions that you feel are necessary and accurate. and think nothing more of this. unless you have a valid reason for concern.

living in a theoretical framework is bad for the heart.

it really is.

in my experience at least.

am i neglecting myself by doing this?

perhaps. but what good is being nice to oneself?

perhaps it makes me more comfortable with myself.

and that means that I feel more able to freely express what’s on my mind.

Why are conclusions necessary?

there’s no going back.

so that’s why i’m dragging this out.

also because there’s a mix of things.

living actively.

requires a personal identity.

and an active role in wanting to be better.

but is that in error in some way?

What if I simply just not care ?

I may not be justified in what i do, then.

but i’d be able to make mistakes.

and then real learning could take place.

engage in reality.

perhaps.